Frantic

I have a confession to make. I don’t know how anyone could have their shit together. I definitely don’t. I’m frantic, running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I don’t have any centralized system to organize my life. I have no system for todos, I have read zero books about GTD, I don’t keep a journal. I almost consider GTD its own class of pseudo science. Who give a damn shit how you get it done, as long as you do? I think what you do matters far more than how you do it. Fuck Tim Ferris.

It’s not just work. I don’t have any fucking clue how to run my personal life, either. How should I be allocating my time outside of work? Do I sleep more or work instead? Should I work on side projects, or double down on work work? Should I focus on side projects that help me learn, or ones with an impact on the world? Who should I be spending the most time with? Should I be more intentional with more outbound connections, or just flow with the current? Do I spent time meeting new people, or strengthening bonds with my closest friends? Where should I live? When do I need to take a break? What are the things that I enjoy doing the most? How should I think about and approach relationships?

It’s not that I don’t have any answers to these questions – I do! But I sure as hell lack any confidence that my answers are the right answers. I’m frantically trying new things, half-deliberately, half-haphazardly hoping to stumble upon the right answers. I don’t understand how people can preach their life strategy with confidence. Are they sure they can’t do better? Some level of confidence is crucial, but at what point is it overconfident? Isn’t that called complacency? Do they still feel a burning urge to improve, improve, improve? I also don’t understand how people can plan out their life’s work. You’re either a) fucking doing what you want to be doing or b) planning on doing it, and there is nowhere in between. Anything that looks like it was intentional is teetering on the edge of complete chaos, so why do we even pretend? I pretty much just fell into what I am doing now, and I sure as fuck didn’t plan it.

Entropy is always increasing. Maybe I should make peace with that.